sad time

It is a very longue time that I didn’t write anything here but I have to think to it and be in the mood.

Anyway so many sad things have happend 😦

Since October 2013 Alain has been diagnosticed with Osephaguscancer and spent the last three months of 2013 in Hospital.Normally it wouldn’t have been that long, but he got an infection with caused many trouble and his life in the end 😦 At least it gives me the feeling that without the complications it wouldn’t have been as fast.

While having the infection he had a „ficure“(lack?) and got two embolias (embolie pneumunaire) and had to be rushed to the intesive care unit. Once they didn’t even call me and when I came in his regular room he wasn’t there…..and not only for exams…..I feared several times for his life in that period.

Then he could come home the 29th of december 2013. I had tears in my eyes when I saw him back on his fauteul (Sessel) (armchair?- taking headphones and listending to a favourite cd….He was feeling like an angel then (il était aux anges) Unfortunatly I don’t remember which cd he has choosen then. he did even write some poetry (the first the 30 december 13.Alain was very weak back then and couldn’t eat anything but soft stuff like soups and puddings (and cracottes) and that in Portions for Mouses several times a day ebcause otherwise he would have been very hungy. Sadly I didn’t know that even thought I had a one year contract with my work I would have taken time off to help Alain with the convalecence…..(stay home full time or reduice hours.So my mum spent a week or two with us and  could help in the first time and then Alain could heat soup in microoven and i came hom at five.   In February he went back to work and felt much better and happy to be back at the Libary. In June 14 he stoped to work as he had become weaker and weaker as the cancer came back  after the oktober surgery. Meanwhile he had lost so much weight through the infection,embolia, and the kind of food he could eat and not eat….it was about half of his realy weight 😦  So he started a chemiotherapie (which he could even contunue at home, he had to go only oen day to the clinic and come hom in the afternoon.) Once he came back on tram alone and I waited for him half the way from the Tramwaystation and he fall on the floor….I could see it but not help as I was at the other side of the street and lights were red. A Man (and I think a second person) helped Alain geting up and Ihelped him going home. I never got help from a collegue of mine to come while I was working and all we got were a Cleaing help for three times (for free) from the health insurrances even thought I wasn’t ill but as Alain had been in Hospital. Then he went back to the clinic to get feed as he were loosing and loosing weight and never came back home….I think it was baout september 2014. First he walked from the bed to the WC and the bathrom(with a baxter it isne’t that easy) and were in a room he ahd to share with one person. Later they have put him in a room only for him as he needet calm and were realizing that the chemeotherapie didn’t help. They decidet to make him move to another clinic for pallaitive care


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